My Dearest Angel Face,
I dreamed last night about that Tuesday, the day you turned 8 years old, the day that changed everything. You were there with your smiling face and pink cheeks, dressed in your smocked gown with yellow, tiny roses across the front. When the rays of the sun touched your hair it glistened, all golden like, and you laughed your way through the day surrounded by your friends. Do you remember the gift your momma gave you, the one in the jeweled box, that sang to you? I wish I could hear that song again, to feel close to you, because I miss you. I wish for the life of me you had gotten a chance to listen to it too, more than once. My heart believes wherever you are that you are happy, smiling all golden like I remember, and hearing your song. I miss you.
Loving you muches,
As soon as I finished writing the letter I balled it up and threw it in the trash. Part of me felt better after writing it,even though it was really sloppy, but part of me was angry. Anger was not an emotion that I cared for, I didn't know what to do with it, how to act, or how to walk through the day with it, but nevertheless, it was here, and I had to deal with it. Missing Angel Face came in waves lately. A certain color, or song, or flash in my mind triggered waves of memories of her, and I deeply missed her. Writing her letters seemed to help, but this one, this one seemed to sting a little bit more, because the details of that day were like they just happened, and anger was all I could embrace through it. I made a vow to myself today, that I would do whatever it took to find out exactly what happened to my Angel Face, and where she might be, in Heaven or here, somewhere near me.
Not wanting to dwell on being angry all day, I asked Baby B if she wanted to head outside to play, to feel the wind in our little spits of hair, to just be. Arly was fretting over dust bunnies and catering issues since the wedding was Saturday, so we were left with a lot of free time, Baby B and me.
Baby B dashed for the door and I knew her joy for life was coming back. We played patty cake in the mud, collected three heart shaped rocks, and pretended we were princess fairies with magical powers. It was grand fun, that was until some neighborhood kids stopped by the fence.