Yesterday was difficult, but when I woke up this morning, the birds were singing, the sun warmed my face through the window, and in this moment, I knew I was alright, and more importantly....safe.
Sometimes, when Arly spends time on the computer, she lets me sit in her lap and watch, which fascinates me. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined that life would change so much after all these years. When I was little, I watched the paper get delivered by Johnny Fletcher, on his bike no less, which was a long stretch from all this techno stuff. It's kind of mesmerizing though, and at times I feel like I could get lost in it, this Facebook thingy that is. I still can't figure why the faces don't have books attached, or why there aren't books with faces on them, just seems odd to me.
One of the groups that kept popping up as she 'surfed the web', and yes, I kept looking for a surfboard to come floating by at any moment, was "To Write Love On Her Arms Day", or TWLOHAD. At first, I kept trying to pronounce it as a word, 'twulohd', but Arly just laughed and explained to me what it really meant. She took me to their website, and no, I didn't find spiders there either, but what I did find were pictures of people who had written the word 'Love' on their arms, to show the people in their lives that they were loved and beautiful. I was a bit shocked. I guess I had felt that most people were mean, or evil, and I forgot to see past my own feelings and realize there are a lot of folks filled with love out there.
Immediately I wanted my own love tattoo. Arly really thought I needed to sleep on that idea, but no, I insisted, and told her she could write it for me, all neat, or I could do it with all my fingers that were missing and it would be a mess, a lovely mess! She caved, and after it was done, I spent the longest time looking at it and loving it. It made my scarred skin seem not so scarred I thought, and for a minute or two I imagined that having the word 'love' written all over my body would be just fine.
We spent a little bit longer reading through some of the posts from people all over the world. They would write about how much they loved the women and girls in their lives, but some would write about encouraging others not to harm themselves. I didn't understand that, so Arly explained that when some people are abused, or hurt, it makes them very sad and they find it hard to even exist. Oh, my heart broke. I kinda knew how that felt a little bit. Yesterday was one of those days I think, not wanting to exist, but I just believe life is too precious to let the mullygrubbies get the best of me, so onward I go. I said a prayer for those folks, that they would find today easier, and feel loved, like I do.
As I learned more about this love thing, I knew, I just knew, this writing on the arm thing was a good idea. But one thing was missing....Arly's arm needed a tattoo too. I looked up at her, and with this blueberry smile of mine, convinced her she must write love on her arm, and she did. She took a picture of it and showed it to me. Although my arm is tiny, I think it makes a big statement next to hers. Even little arms can show love, like big ones. One thing I knew for sure, today I am loved, tattoo and all.